Straight from the heart #3: Mothers are known for unconditional love June 23, 2008Posted by nitinkarani in English, Gay, The Asian Age.
The third piece in this new column, ‘Straight from the heart’, in The Asian Age on Sunday, 22 June 2008:
Mothers are known for unconditional love
Originally I had planned to call this week’s article Maajra Kya Hai? (‘What’s the matter?’). I was planning to write about the prevalent human tendency of ‘If I do something it’s ok… but if you do the same thing then it’s an issue’. Half way through the article, the phone rang. It was my mom. She informed me of her sudden trip to Mumbai. She just wanted to be there for me. I put the phone down and my heart just said one thing, ‘Mom you are the best!’.
My mom (like most moms in the world) has always been there for me. The last couple weeks have been a bumpy emotional roller coaster ride for her. Relatives questioning my column; her friends telling her that I am putting her to shame; inquisitive looks at a kitty party; people she knows randomly coming up to her and trying to comfort her. (The intention might be pure but the result might be the opposite). But there is one thing that has stayed consistent – her support for me. I would be lying if I say there have not been any foggy mornings (obviously we have had our difficult moments as well) however the ‘SUN of my life’ that she is, no matter what, comes out every morning and enables the life I live. I decided to dedicate this week’s column to moms world wide.
I have no idea where all this love comes from. A mom’s heart is like a never-ending reservoir. It’s a privilege most of us children take as a ‘birth right’ (I have been guilty of taking my mom for granted many times). Every privilege in life comes with responsibility. Every child has a responsibility to ensure that their mom is in no sort of pain (it has taken me more than a decade to realise this). I know it was very painful for her when I ‘came out’ to her one sudden day, on occasions it still is. I was convinced that since it’s ‘my life’ what is the problem? I guess I failed to realise exactly where ‘my life’ came from? She pretty much broke down. What I had thought was no big deal… was beyond her comprehension. It took me a long time (every day is a learning process) to relate to that. I kept telling her, ‘Mom why are you so upset?’ And the one thing (spoken or unspoken) that came from her was, ‘you would know if you were a mother’.
I really tried to tell her that ‘I am the same person’; nothing has changed; I still love her’. What I initially failed to realise is that it did make a Herculean difference to her life. My admission to her had definitely taken away the possibility of fulfilling a major part of what she dreamt my life would be like. Today I feel that maybe my ‘understanding’ towards her emotions and her unbelievable attempt to embrace (the best way she can) this fact of my life has lessened the impact of a feeling which once was synonymous to a ‘betrayal’.
I have always believed in being honest to my mom. I had to do what I did because I wanted her be a part of ‘my’ life. I still don’t know if ‘telling her’ is the best thing I ever did? Or was it the ‘right thing’ to do? But what I do know is, until the last breath I take; I will continue to ‘salute her’. A mom’s strength is stronger than any six-pack I have ever seen!
Every word in this column is my way to thank every mom in this world who has been an angel to her children. Moms, we cannot even begin to appreciate you! To me there is no relationship more selfless, more giving, more timeless and more real than this. I take this opportunity to urge every son (and daughter) reading this to reach out to your mom and just give her a BIG HUG. I cannot help but wonder if there is any love more unconditional than a mom’s love?
You can email your experiences to firstname.lastname@example.org
Ayush Maheshwari, more popularly known as ‘Big Indian’ is an IT wizard, motivational expert, pop singer, TV performer and a social worker.